Sunday, August 19, 2007
Did I forget to tell you?????
These two raggedy looking boys are my sons. Jeff & Andy. 5 years apart in age. One now a 38 year old biker and one a 33 year old groom to be. Actually, they are both grooms-to-be. Andy's second marriage, Jeff's first.
And yet, as I saw Jeff with his fiancee his week-end, hurriedly running about wrapping up last minute details of the wedding ( 3 weeks??!) , I couldn't escape the feeling that I had , somehow, missed teaching the boys things about women.
No, not the "usual" stuff. They know about that.
But the stuff that, because of my first failed marriage coupled with my extreme, almost manic desire to prove I was strong enough, brave enough, self-sufficient enough and smart enough to handle not only life, but the lives and raising of my four children alone, I forgot to teach my boys.
For example, I saw Jeff go to the car door that he had already unlocked with the key less entry, and open it for Rachael. I had automatically open my own back seat door and hopped in as we were all headed off for more invitation supplies.
And I am the "old lady"??
Oh, guys DO open doors, huh?
Not that Randy wouldn't. I guess I was just so fiercely independent when we were dating - so "once-burned-twice-shy" about letting anyone do ANYTHING for me, especially a man, that I forgot to tell the boys this is what they should do.
My poor daughters-in-law-to-be's! Because I was so bent on proving to the world, my Daddy, my new husband, my protective sisters, AND my Mother, that I indeed was capable, I forgot to let the kids , or myself know, that it's OK to let others do things for you.
Because they want to.
Because other people need to do nice things. It makes them feel good, too.
Oh, and by the way, sons. It's OK to call the plumber when the toilet need fixing. Don't expect your wives to fix it with a hanger and a rubber-band like I did.
And if the transmission goes out in their car, your wives do not have to drive home backwards, 5 blocks, in reverse, because they couldn't afford a tow truck.
And if they get sick, it's OK for them to stay in bed. And maybe even cry. And eat bon-bons if they so choose. (but not for too long...)
I fear in my desire to prove to myself that I could do it all, I unfairly set expectations that would be hard to live up to.
Sons, your wives deserve it. You'll be better men for it.
Know they can do it all, but know that as a woman, it feels soooo good not to have to.
And, to my lovely daughters, let your guys open doors. Send flowers. Do the vacuuming. Take care of the baby so you can sleep. You'll both be better for it.
I love you all tonzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz,
Mom, Ma, Mother, Mumsy (4 kids - 4 names)