Thursday, March 20, 2014

They say "timing is everything..."

OK. so you all probably know I work as a "Paternity DNA Consultant" which sounds all smart & professional, right?  Well..truth be known, it's a call center with 18 other "Paternity DNA Consultants" with varying ages, genders and customer service experience. All informing, in true "Maury" style..."you are NOT the father".

Getting paid for telling women what they already know..

But one thing we all have in common is the need  And being in a call center, "stats" are very important. So important they can cause you loose your job or be promoted..if one would want to be promoted to "Chief Caller-Person"..

anyway..I digress..

We are allowed 5 minutes of "personal" time per day to do ..well..anything one can do in 5, let's say..pee.

Now, that 5 minutes is on top of the 30 minute unpaid lunch and the 2 - 15-minute paid breaks.

However, I have never been know to "go on command" if you know what I mean.  Random drug tests take me well over a hour to finally give them enough to "randomly"  test me..sometimes even more..

So to tell my pea-sized bladder { note the play on words here? }  that I can go at 10am then at 12pm then at 2:45pm is about as useless as the letter "L" in the word "yeah" ...

Now, I can understand rules are made because some bimbo before me used her  "Personal time "  to run /drive to the the 7-11 for a taco... or 6..

..but I am an old-"er" woman who actually takes medication to rid myself of liquids..and have explained this to the young-perky-supervisor..aka "Chief Caller-Person" ..

So, to benefit the others here who do not have "medical" reason for peeing..I timed myself - walking  at a brisk pace through the LONG hall..into the unoccupied stall.. (if I'm lucky to find one) my whatever..quickly..then wash hands to the tune of "Happy Birthday" as recommended by the US Dept of Health..walk briskly back to my seat..plug in and take my next call..

.. 3:38...for 1 trip..

so.... if the need is for 2 trips..I'm already in the negative..3.38 + 3.38 =  6.76

...remembering the limit is 5.0 per day...see where this is going? {yet another clever pun..}

Also, remembering I have a dislike of  all things mathematical..think of things like payments...alarm clocks..all have to do with math..

I find this all too much.  Do I need to depend on Depends ? {there I go again!  Ah.. I crack me up..} do I take the chance of being accused of excessive-personal-time-infringements?

Can you  imagine if I got fired for that?

Unemployment person: "So, why were you fired?"

Me: " Excessive Urination?" .."Not running a 4-min mile to the restroom?"... "I'm bladdely impaired?"

Ahh..only 142 work days until retirement...

I DO NOT think I can hold it that long....

Monday, March 10, 2014

Good news for when you're feeling..old.

So, lately I have been looking & feeling old-er than I  have in a while.  Well, actually, I have never been this old

Well anyway. There are times when I look in the mirror and think I don't really look my age and am really surprised when I tell people I'm going to be a great-grandmother

I expect an audible gasp..rarely do I get one anymore.

Yet, when I think of people and how they looked when I was young-er ..I think about 65 year old women looking like, well Aunt Bea from Mayberry..

Or Aunt Jemima from... pancakes..

{actually, she does look pretty good}
Well..certainly not like these...

 {Me 64, Gerri, 70, Kathy, 71, Ella 8 }

{Kathy 71, Me 64, Emily 13, and April (who's going to be a GRANDmother in July, 45}

 Thing is...Aunt Bea was 61 when she lived in Mayberry.   SIXTY-ONE!

I have no idea how old Aunt Jemima was....

So..look in that mirror and smile..head's up, and know we are getting better and well as older and older.

And even at that..remember...that is a privilege denied to many.