Friday, May 2, 2008

OK, I am sooo bummed...

I have been walking on my treadmill while Judge Alex and I sort out the problems of the undereducated, unemployed, over-drawn and overexposed.

Everyday from noon to noon-thirty JA (as I like to call him) and I listen, make comments and hand down rulings to the man who loaned his friend $500 and got nothing in return but a bad cell phone bill....or the gal who wanted to keep the diamond ring after the engagement was called off because she was cheating with one of the bridemaids.......or the divorcée who wants her Christmas bulbs back but they are still attached to the trailer-house....

Yep, he rules and I walk.

His time goes by fast while mine, well, sort of creeps by..

I have started to play tricks on myself ....you know...covering the timer on the treadmill and seeing if I'm right when I uncover it?

Me: Oh, I've been on this thing for, oh, 14 minutes, right??

Timer: Nope. 3...

Me: Oh no, you deh-ent just say that....

Timer: Yep

OK OK, so back to why I am bummed. ......as if the whole timer-thing isn't bad enough.... have you seen the number of calories you burn while sweating like a football player??

27

TWENTY-SEVEN..that's not enough to cover the three crumbs of leftover cake I left on my breakfast plate...

Well the whole thing is.........

...........I am feeling better. You heard right. Better. More energy. Damn....

All those years people have been telling us that when we "exercise daily we have more get-up-and-go !!"

That our energy will be higher....that our little endorphins (sounds like teeny-tiny-fairy-like fish, don't you think??) will be happy and their levels raised....

They were, it appears, correct.

Double-Damn. Damn Damn

I wanted so to prove them wrong...to make them pay for all those times they tried to make me feel guilty. Or that I felt superior because I knew there had to be more to it....

Only to have to write this and admit that I was wro..uh.....uninfor....hmm...in erro...OK OK ...

.................WRONG! There, I've said it.

I do feel better. I have more energy. My stupid little en-freakin-dorphins are all giddy....

Now all you granola-eating, exercising-daily, yogurt slurping, water-drinking, , spandex-wearing, Adidas -footed, non-caloric-sweetening, fake-ice-cream-eating, calorie-counting, carb-pinching people back off!

You were right.....I was wrong. OK. I get it.

So just walk away from the all-fruit jam and reduced-calorie toast and no one will get hurt.....

Judge Alex and I have a lot to discuss before 12 noon on Monday....

-me

12 comments:

Pen Pen said...

ha ha haha hahahahahah....... I have yet to figure out if those people are right or not, as I can't seem to stick with my treadmill walking. (and it's in my livingroom where I can see tv) I LOVE Judge Alex, so maybe I can try your plan of walking with JA. Don't you just hate the timers on those things????

Laurie & Chris said...

OMG!!Doesn't it just make you mad when your wrong!!!(LOL!) That is so funny. Chris and I keep saying we need to start walking again but never get of our butts to do it. Maybe this post will help us!!!

Bax said...

You are a hoot! LOL! My treadmill has been banned to a storage room...folded up...on top of a counter...leaning against the wall! We're not speaking. See what happens when it messes with me!!!
Jan

The Feathered Nest said...

You are so stinkin' right Colleen!!!! We all know this, why is it so hard to do it???? You make me laugh....guess "they" are right about exercise and eating healthy. Not dieting, just eating heathy. Did you happen to see any of the show Dr. Oz had on Discovery Heath channel this last week?? Amazing what bad food does to your body....I've got to get serious about this myself! Thanks for another entertaining and enlightening post!! Have a wonderful, endorphin filled weekend! xxoo, Dawn

white o'morn cottage said...

Oh how I wish you were right instead! Now I'll have to do it! Bless you and your endorphins...Pam

~d said...

you are too funny. :)

I also cover up my timer and anything that digitally glows and reminds me that I am not as far as I indeed think I am. GRRR. I taped Katie Holmes overtop and I look at her smirky snarky glare.

Good for YOU walking and stuff. Gosh.. maybe I should. PERHAPS you ( there I go with my wrongful capitalizing) are my 75 lb weight loss inspiration????..

I once heard on Biggest loser this alarming fact . 3500 calories for 1 lb. UGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.

I burned 765 running 4 freaking miles. Can you believe it? Let's sue the calorie company and let the Judge handle it. :)
I'll co chair prosecution with you!
d

Julie said...

I am none of those people in the paragraph that starts with granola-eating...

But, alas, like you I know they are right. I need to start walking - out of doors, in my case.

Mary said...

I decided that I eat portions of food that are too big so in my so called 'logical mind' I think I should cut those in half and I will weigh less. Makes sense...huh?
Well in a real world that would work. In Mary's world I just make the first portions bigger so when I cut them in half, I still have what I normally eat...and I wonder why I can't lose weight.
Yeah, 'they' who say we feel more energetic when we exercise are right. Bless their hearts!

Penny @ Lavender Hill Studio said...

Lol! Well that means I was GULP wrong too! Darn!

Hugs, Penny

p.s. yes, you can do a faux mosaic with scrap paper....I am going to find a picture of a letter someone made me and did that and email it to you...

Penny @ Lavender Hill Studio said...

oops...ok - I can't find your email on your blog.. feel free to email me at lavenderhillstudio@mchsi.com and I will email you back with the picture!

Brenda said...

Girl at least you walked.That is what I needed to be doing.Keep up the good work.

ancient one said...

I need more energy... I need to work more? I'm tired!!