Friday, February 1, 2008

I used to be taller..I know it....

I used to be much taller than my kids.... and certainly taller than my grand daughter Emily...
I think I may have solved the mystery of why women get shorter…

Oh I know some have osteoporosis, but as I was showering and scrubbing my feet with the sand-paper-pumice-stone-torture device, it finally dawned on me…

After all, my Daddy was a carpenter and Mr. B is a wonderful woodworker as well..you’d think I’d have realized this before now, for goodness sakes...

When a door doesn’t close just right, sticks and is just plain too big, they SAND it down! And it gets….shorter! Thus making it fit snug and tight.

Wood not too straight? Sand off the excess!

Well, ladies, we are “sanding” ourselves shorter almost daily!

Too bad they don’t have those things in big-ole-hip sizes. Fatty-Pants no more! You could eat whatever you want and just take a little off here and there.

Nose job? Who needs it! Get the handy-dandy Nose-thinner sand paper! Shoes too tight? No problem – use that pumice stone with some effort, will ya?!
Breast augmentation???? Well…maybe not so much…
But think of the possibilities.!!!

Ahhh, if only I had the money to patent all my good ideas….

So, don’t scrub too hard, unless of course, you’re working on “short”……

Take care…
-me

4 comments:

Anonymous said...

My husband has the perfect solution to "crusty heels"...he uses his Dremel...you know, that little drill thingy with sandpaper on it. I tried it....amazing...really fast, but don't hold it in one spot...keep it moving. You'll still get shorter, but you'll spend less time doing so. Take care. Betty

The Feathered Nest said...

Oh Colleen!! You make me laugh out loud!!!! I'm thinking I'd need a hefty power sander to work on this bod to trim it up! too too cute, have a great weekend, xxoo, Dawn

Penny @ Lavender Hill Studio said...

LOL Colleen! Let's get together and create the perfect sander, for those extra chins, big hips and flabby bellies!!
Penny

Pen Pen said...

I could do me some serious sanding if that work!