I am suffering..I know I am...just look at me..

..actually, don't.

I am suffering from.........

...oh this is hard...........

eyebrow envy....

There, I've said it.

And, I've written before about my eyebrows previously and how they not only do not look alike...they don't even look like good friends..

And that's not the worst part....it's what I've become.

I shamelessly look at young women who have beautifully shaped eyebrows..matching to a point of perfection.   Two wonderful frames for the eyes...

Even that's not soo bad..

What is bad is what this has evolved to..

Me looking at older women and judging (!) their eyebrows....are they drawn on? Are they too dark?  Do they have the look of constant amazement & surprise??

Are they made with a lipstick pencil rather than an eyebrow pencil?? {don't laugh...this actually happened to an elderly neighbor..I knocked on her door and she answered, smiling brightly, with the reddest lipstick-penciled eyebrows you ever did see..I was, uh. ..taken aback..but recovered quickly enough that she didn't sense my shock and awe...}

So, how far have I sunk??

When I met a 90-year old woman at an Expo recently, all of my associates were impressed with her energy,  her total concentration on the subject, her candid nature..her sense of self..

I, on the other had, could only stare at her...eyebrows.

"Did you see her eyebrows? She has a full set, beautifully arched, no pencil, no fill-ins..?? Did you see that??  And she's like 115 years old for Pete's sake"

My very very very young co-workers just looked at me..then sort of smiled and....backed away...slowly, so as not to incite me any further...

I have thought of having eyebrows tattooed on..yeah, for like a half a second.  I'm certain I'd sneeze during the process and end up with something akin to a giant "W" over one eye...

I can handle my thinning hair, my expanding bum, my droopy eyelids, my lack of hearing, my need for bi-focals....but I have this immense fear of having to run out of my house in the middle of the night, with no eyebrows to be seen.......

And heaven forbid I should want to take a leisurely walk in the soft spring rain....Ohnoooooo..not unless I have magic marker-strength eyebrows on..

So there you have it...my worst fears exposed.  I just hope you can sleep tonight, my pretties, realizing your time for eyebrow deficiency is marching towards you at this very moment.

(insert evil laugh.., no wait..that's jut mean..)


 -me

"i don't know nuthin' 'bout pluckin' no eyebrows, Mizz Scarlet!!"