Monday, November 12, 2007

'chubby' when you're little can be cute.....


You know, when God asked how I wanted to look when I grew up, I think He may have mis-understood what I said.

What I said I wanted was a flat tum and a rounded bum.

I think I must have mumbled..............or He wasn't listening.

I mean, I know He's busy, what with all that creating and having to remember the time change and everything....

Because what I actually got was a nice rounded TUM and a flat as a pancake BUM.....

Take this morning...

I knew I had good eating week-end (not in the Weight Watchers sense) but in the yummy-oh-my-I'm -so-bad sense.

However, when I tried to zip my jeans - they were, uh, what's the term.....snug.

So snug I needed to lay on the bed to zip them. You know why this works ?
Because it distributes all that good-eatin' to other places. Eeesh...

I am still amazed at the extraordinary tensile strength of the jean's material.

When I managed to get to my feet, I noticed 2 things:

1. my midriff (muffin top) spread across me like a speed bump...and ...

b. when looking down at said feet, noticed I didn't have my socks on...and I'm all about the socks....

So I realigned my speed bump and lurched toward the sock drawer...
I looked like a lump of playdough wearing undersized blue cling wrap

I reached in, grabbed a pair, then.....

BENT OVER TO PUT THEM ON!!!!!

Have you ever seen those balloon people who squeeze the balloon and all the air goes to the top? And it looks like it'll POP?

That was my head - I thought for a moment I would loose consciousness....Eyes all buggy and face all red...

When my breath returned to my body, and the spinning stopped and my eyes went back into their sockets.........

.....I looked at Braxton & Lulu. They looked terrified.

Like, ah, "what do we do? "

"What's the number for 911?"

"Do you know how to dial??"

So, what's the lesson in all of this?

Eat less?
nope....

Practice some restraint?
nah...

Put your socks on first?

Yeppers, that's it...

(and they wonder why I wear slip-on shoes!)

Have fun and remember,

Stretch pants are my friend......
-me
ps...is that little kid trying to cop a feel????????????

3 comments:

Senior Bowler said...

Amen, funny .....see below
When I was young and limber and could bend so well at the knees:
I made fun of all those people who could not bend with the greatest of ease.

I thought it was OH so funny that they stooped from their waist to the floor;
With their butts so high in the air ..you could see the socks that they wore.

But now I am one of those people, whose knees just don’t want to bend;
And squatting is out of the question cause I’d never get up again.

So I have become my Grandmother , with my butt way up in the air,
Be careful of who you make fun of …..before long their fate you will share!!!!!

Anonymous said...

You MUST write a book! The way you describe this is a hoot! I can just see your thought process when you realized your toes were bare.

Have a really fun day and "sock" it to them. Betty

Pearl said...

You made me laugh out loud once again. Thanks