Monday, November 16, 2009

Hello my friends...


And so, Arizona was.......... fun...

and sad.


and exhausting..

and invigorating..



It was the hardest trip I've ever taken..

and the easiest one to decide to go on.


I didn't want it to end..

..but I couldn't wait to get back home..

and try to pretend it will be OK if I just don't think about it.


Yet it's all I think about.

Did I say the right things..

Did I say too much??


Will he remember what I whispered in his ear..did he hear me?

How lucky am I to have gone at all..

I rode horse..


I rode in the back of a pick-up truck..


I had lunch with my very first sister-in-law.

I was 12 again when everything was fun..


and nothing would change.


But we know that things change.

And we have to say goodbye.

But it's hard..


and painful..

and I am sooo lucky to have been given this chance...

to tell him once again what an honor it is to be his sister.

before it's too late..


And I am soo thankful..

And I an mad as hell.

-me

24 comments:

Ginny said...

Very moving Colleen. Much love, Ginny

All My Yesterdays said...

First, so glad you're back home safe and sound. Then I must tell you...
you're my hero Colleen. What a brave, loving, heart wrenching, maddening thing to do. And you did...nuf said.
You're in my prayers tonight...your brother too...

Laurie said...

You touched my heart Colleen, and you have every right to be mad as hell. You and your family are in my prayers. God Bless You dear friend,
Laurie

Laurie said...

And he did hear you Colleen, someday I will tell you how I know.

diane said...

A lovely, honest post. You describe your feelings so well. It is a sad time for all of you and difficult when you live away. I remember my last visit to my brother in Europe. How sad to say goodbye but how lucky to have had that time with him. My thoughts and best wishes are with you.Glad you are home safe and sound.

Jan said...

Loving thoughts go to you and your family Colleen. Beautiful, moving post xx

Karen said...

Beautiful....in so many ways.

Lori R. said...

Sometimes when hugs are not enough, just know that prayer can sustain you. Know we all have you in ours....and when you are mad as hell because of the situation, just know honestly that God did not create the situation and God can hold you when you need held.... I pray for Larry's peace...

Lucy said...

Yup...I know all those emotions. Life! Sometimes it's not what it's cracked up to be. Glad you had that trip though. Too bad you can't stay longer.

Jan said...

Ah Colleen, my heart goes out to you and your lovely family. Not so long ago I was feeling exactly what you put in your post. And I was mad as hell. Life doesn't seem fair at all. Love and prayers to you. Thank you so much for such a heartfelt post.

The Feathered Nest said...

Sweet Colleen, my thoughts and and prayers are with you, your brother and family...I'm so sorry you had to do this and so glad you were able to as well ~ wish I could hug you right now, love you sweet girl, Dawn

Pen Pen said...

wow... I'm so sorry this trip was so difficult... prayers for you and your family! (((hugs)))

Artistic Accents by Darla said...

OH I'm so sorry for what you are going through. My prayers are with you and your brother and your whole family!
I'm glad you got to spend time with him.
Tight hugs,
Darla

Zuzu said...

Beautifully written post. An emotional rollercoaster. I remember saying goodbye to my sister for the last time. It has taken years, but now instead of feeling mad, instead of feeling so sad I can't feel anything - I feel grateful for all the wonderful time we shared together.

I'm sending you and yours hugs & prayers.

Zuzu

white o'morn cottage said...

My thoughts are both warm and sad for you at this time. We can only send love and support to each other as we each go through these hard times. Love....Pam

Heather said...

I'm glad too that you were able to go. He will remember always. Many prayers to you and your brother. What a sweet post.

Irish Cottage Dreams said...

My love and hugs go out to you. I am
so glad you were able to see your brother...
Very beautiful moving post.

much love ~kimme

Life is good! said...

hope it went well. i love your photos! God bless!

Aunt Amelia's Attic said...

I take it, that your brother is dying.

-sigh-

Courage...

The Texas Woman said...

Life sure doesn't go like we planned, does it. Stay strong, like I know you are. You have a proven track record, ya know! Hugs.

Just Breathe said...

((HUGS)) You said it well.

Shari from Big Yellow Farmhouse said...

I understand. I really, really do. God bless you sweetie.

Melinda Cornish said...

awwwww, I am so glad too that you got to go.....I dont have your email address...email me at melindac61_99@yahoo.com and I will email you my address........

Julie said...

I'm glad you got the chance to say goodbye. I never got to say it to my brother who died of a sudden heart attack.