Friday, January 30, 2009

Brown velvet, running in ripples like a stream...

As I sat this morning peering through the glass of the windows,

I noticed the brown velvet and the soft folds in the material as it draped in all of it's folded wonder.....

...dipping and folding..draping and rippled..

.
.
...behind the "windows" of my glasses!

Oh yeah. I was looking at the "windows of my soul" and into the 5X's magnifying mirror I use to "put on a happy face"...

..........whatever...........


Never, I repeat, nEVeR ever buy a 5X's mirror unless you're prepared to see what you will (someday) probably see..

The spots I so lovingly refer to as "freckles" ...as in .."Oh look at those cute freckles!" are, um...could they be...age spots??

So, when did I loose weight in my ...eyelids? When did the skin become ...baggy?? What exercises have my eye-balls been doing anyway? Obviously, not toning ones..

I didn't have {eye-liposuction}. I didn't put them on any sort of "reduced-calorie eyeshadow"...



They were never fat...... or stretched out..

...OK..well maybe a little puffy a time or two at really really sad movies......or Hallmark commercials....or when my Mother-in-Law brings up home- made sticky-buns and I have eaten all my Weight Watcher's points until June...

But really...I guess with my not-so-subtle hanging-chin exercises (sounds like a Chinese acrobatic troupe- "Come see the famous high-wire act of the Hanging Chins!!"..)

..(remember the exaggerated "A,E,I,O and U" and kissing my nose??)..

I now need to add............. "Eye-Robics" ..

One, two, eyebrows up! That's it, now, Eyeballs, roll to the left, now roll to the right, that's good ....now frown..pinch those brows together until you feel the burn! Or the headache! Put it all together....Up! Roll! Frown! Pinch!

And to think I just gave away my Richard Simmons shorts and have let my red Afro-wig die a happy death...

My point is..do not look closely, do not wear your glasses while applying make-up and never, ever look into the most horrible of horrible horrors...

...the 5 x's magnifying mirror!

-me

8 comments:

Betty said...

The post is hilarious, the picture with Braxie is adorable, your eyelids are NOT too slack. And, I have one of those annoyingly honest mirrors, as well.

All the years I've been removing eye makeup, vigorously removing eye makeup, I have stretched my eyelids a lot. Why, oh why, didn't someone tell me 40 years ago not to be so rough with them?

Oh, well, such is aging. It isn't for wimps!

madrekarin said...

I will never own a 5x magnifying mirror. Thank you for the warning!
"The Hanging Chins!" Oh my gosh, that's hilarious. No, wait- not. I believe that I have a troop moving in. :(
Now, those brown velvet ribbon roses? I could look at those close up all day!

madrekarin said...

Um, Colleen- how many times have you changed your background in the past few days? lol

Martha said...

That is a funny post! At my last facial I told the lady I
had one of those mirrors and she said "no one should
ever look at themselves through one of those and to
throw it away"! Also I never thought of eating all my
points well into the next months.....I am going to the
movies and getting popcorn with all the fake butter and salt I want!!!! Yippeeee!
Thank you for noticing my post about my dear friend
Ida.

Charmingdesigns said...

I have to laugh...I was in Costco the other day...and I saw one of those mirrors. so I thought...you know...I can probably put on makeup without my glasses with one of those...so I looked in the mirror..it had a built in light...I still had my glasses on...OH MY! I was HORRIFIED!!! I put it down and ran...LOL. Laurie

Lucy said...

Remember the episode of Golden Girls when Blanche found her face 'sagging'? She finally looked in the mirror with her head hanging backwards and found it was so much better. Gravity sucks!!!!

Sherry said...

LOVE IT!

diane said...

You're so funny. It is true and I can't agree more. I just hope other people's eyesight is as bad as mine and they won't notice the worn out skin. We should be able to moult like other animals.