Monday, June 27, 2011

I have one of "those" mirrors....

..you know..the ones that all those people who are on all those awful "Wal-Mart people.." Wal-Martians...  have at their homes?



The one's that when you look at your reflections, says back to you...

"You are lookin' good Girl..MmmHmm...yeah baby.."


OK..well probably not that bad..

But there are days when I leave the house thinking I look pretty good..


and I pass a mirror and see this ..uh..lumpy-bumpy with not good posture and literally NO boobs..{no really, literally ..} which, I may remind you,  if I had them,  may not look QUITE so lumpy-bumpy..I mean the "girls" can lift your tops away from your lumpy-bumpy-tummy..sort of...


Or..I get to work and in the Powder Room I see the outline of an eyebrow...but nothing in the middle! Bald as Dr. Phil's Charlie Brown head.....but just in the middle. The outline is there..oh yes it is...

Eye make-up? Looks rather good this morning..yes, a little heavier than most women my age..but kinds smokey and nice..

{See any resemblance??}

{me...Halloween..about 70 lbs ago...}

Uh, no.  Not in the "real" mirror..I look like a raccoon..or like a linebacker..you know, with the stuff they put under their eyes to make them look scary?  The linebacker, not the raccoons..they are too cute to look scary :-)


Wait, what? Ohhhh..they don't do that to look scary? To cut down on reflection? Huh..well that's pretty smart.. {again, the linebacker, not the raccoon..although I do think raccoons are pretty smart..like the one that got into April's kitchen through the Doggie Door..guess they didn't have a "raccoon" door..}


And, did you know my mirrors tells me I am thinner? And there is no etching that states:

"Objects in the mirror are larger than they appear."

I've looked.  No warnings there..

So I confidently go out into the world, my mismatched colors, my too-heavy eye make-up..my mere outline of a brow..

...and the back of my hair looking like I fell asleep with my head pressed up against  a hot, sticky car seat...



Frightening I tell you...and not just for me...but for the general public....

.......minus the "Wal-Mart" people..

"Yeah girl...you be lookin' fine..."

-me

17 comments:

Vicki aka Jake said...

HEY YOU! I've seen you FOR REAL and you're a babe! But I can soooo relate to what you've said here,
eyebrows and all.....

Well, ok the boobs are a different story. I'll give you some of mine. THATS what I hate to see in my mirror!! You can have some of my hair too, I have ample enough of both. blah.....

Just be your awesome self. No mirrors needed to see that :)

T's Daily Treasures said...

Oh my gosh Colleen! You make me laugh. I think you are beautiful inside and out! Hugs, Tammy

Karen said...

My concern is that you walk around all day with something obviously wrong, and no one tells you! I always think it's a kindness to let someone know they have some food between their teeth or something.

ain't for city gals said...

And those are the good days! lol..

rharper said...

I agree with Vicki/Jake. WE KNOW the real Colleen now. But I also know the feeling. When I got a boob reduction I didn't know I had a massive undertow that was there (because I couldn't see it) and now all I see is that huge tire surrounding me. Now I need a major tummy tuck but I can't decide how to con Medicare into paying for it as a really physical condition.

And a face lift.

Vee said...

Hahahahaha...oh I love it here. You make me ready to face the world with my whacked eyebrows, lumps, and dimples, and all. Have a great day, Colleen!

Aunt Amelia's Attic said...

Hey there Hon, I want to *bop-you* for his post. YOU! Who always look so damn good!

Great hair do. Always.
Great make up. Always.
Perfect smile. Always.
Gaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah... It's enough to gag me! Always. -giggles-

Of course we all are super great at taking ourselves apart. And our ability only increases, as we age, and we have more stuff to point to as our "minus's."

But some gals have it so good! Some gals always look put-to-gether and nice. How do you do it?????

-pout- -sigh- -moan- -sniffle-

Nahhhhhhh... You go Gal! If ya' got it, flaunt it. :-))))))))

But, I do wish you'd give us some pointers, now and then... On how you keep the hair do "done", and how you do that super eye make up. -sigh-

Hugs,
~♥~

Susan said...

Well, I'm encouraged to learn that a "regular person" has lost 70 pounds. I need to lose 50, so wish me luck. Better yet, pray for me. :)

P.S. - Why don't you have the "name/URL" option under "Choose an identity" (when leaving a comment)?

Breezy said...

Colleen~~ You know I love your smile and wit.. that is what shines! No mirror needed for that. You are a beautiful person.

love ya
gail

Ann said...

What a hoot! I must admit some days my mirror does the same thing. Must be wishful thinking.

Pearl said...

Ahh Colleen you always tell it like it is. Now I'm going to put my girdle on and my push up bra and hope I don't explode? Hugs, Pearl

Lynette Killam said...

Hilarious, Colleen...I can relate to all this so well, having been avoiding reflections for some time now! I turn 64 next month, yet when I look in the mirror I still expect to see the girl who sang that Beatles song at the top of her lungs almost fifty years ago, without any real understanding that she too would get there one day...LOL!

Do have a wonderful week...:)

My Grama's Soul said...

Such a cute post today....and those photos are too funny!! I, too, wonder where they get those Wal-Mart photos.......

Jo

Sharon said...

Ya got me laughing again. I am sending you my boobs. I am tired of tripping over them....

Scrap for Joy said...

Thank you for giving me the best laugh of the day! How many times have you seen someone and thought "Oh, it's too bad that they don't have mirrors in their house". People are amazing. I laugh every time I look in the mirror...it's my only hope!
xoxo
Joyce

Colleen @ MuralMaker&More said...

Too funny! It is always a shock, isn't it, when in your mind you see yourself as 20-something and then the mirror reflects 30+ years onto that. I still haven't gotten used to it myself!

The Feathered Nest said...

You SO spoke to me on this one Colleen!!!! I wear heavy eye makeup all the time...yes, I'm about to turn 50 in Dec. but who cares, right? I love the smokey, whore look so much! I've always said that to all my peeps and then if anyone sees me with no eye makeup they fall down into convulsions!!! Yea, I'm like Alice Cooper ~ scary WITHOUT makeup! You are precious girl and I just love your posts!!! hugs and love, Dawn