Wednesday, October 20, 2010

I am suffering..I know I am...just look at me..

..actually, don't.

I am suffering from.........

...oh this is hard...........

eyebrow envy....



There, I've said it.

And, I've written before about my eyebrows previously and how they not only do not look alike...they don't even look like good friends..



And that's not the worst part....it's what I've become.



I shamelessly look at young women who have beautifully shaped eyebrows..matching to a point of perfection.   Two wonderful frames for the eyes...



Even that's not soo bad..


What is bad is what this has evolved to..

Me looking at older women and judging (!) their eyebrows....are they drawn on? Are they too dark?  Do they have the look of constant amazement & surprise??



Are they made with a lipstick pencil rather than an eyebrow pencil?? {don't laugh...this actually happened to an elderly neighbor..I knocked on her door and she answered, smiling brightly, with the reddest lipstick-penciled eyebrows you ever did see..I was, uh. ..taken aback..but recovered quickly enough that she didn't sense my shock and awe...}



So, how far have I sunk??



When I met a 90-year old woman at an Expo recently, all of my associates were impressed with her energy,  her total concentration on the subject, her candid nature..her sense of self..


I, on the other had, could only stare at her...eyebrows.


"Did you see her eyebrows? She has a full set, beautifully arched, no pencil, no fill-ins..?? Did you see that??  And she's like 115 years old for Pete's sake"


My very very very young co-workers just looked at me..then sort of smiled and....backed away...slowly, so as not to incite me any further...

I have thought of having eyebrows tattooed on..yeah, for like a half a second.  I'm certain I'd sneeze during the process and end up with something akin to a giant "W" over one eye...

I can handle my thinning hair, my expanding bum, my droopy eyelids, my lack of hearing, my need for bi-focals....but I have this immense fear of having to run out of my house in the middle of the night, with no eyebrows to be seen.......

And heaven forbid I should want to take a leisurely walk in the soft spring rain....Ohnoooooo..not unless I have magic marker-strength eyebrows on..



So there you have it...my worst fears exposed.  I just hope you can sleep tonight, my pretties, realizing your time for eyebrow deficiency is marching towards you at this very moment.

(insert evil laugh.., no wait..that's jut mean..)


 -me


"i don't know nuthin' 'bout pluckin' no eyebrows, Mizz Scarlet!!"

17 comments:

Carrie @ Cottage Cozy said...

I have found a great esthetician who tints and waxes my browns...she is wonderful!

Ann Nichols said...

As I've gotten older is when I have become most thankful for my thick dark eyebrows. (And regret plucking any of those lovely strands of tiny hair out when younger!)But they aren't nearly as thick as they used to be and,of course, so many of the little hairs are grey - and have been for years! You are so right to write about this! Eyebrows frame our faces, our eyes, and for my part I warn all young women to leave all but the straggling bits of lovely little strands of hair above their eyes alone!
Ann

Vee said...

We have a similar fascination with eyebrows. I've even written about it before, but not as hysterically as you have. :D

Artistic Accents by Darla said...

OH MY GOD, you make me laugh! Always!
Colleen Bombeck? Is that the B? It has to be :)
Hugs to you and thank you for making my day so bright!

RH (aka Lucy) said...

I worked with a woman once that had her eyebrows tatooed as well as her eyeliner. Me? I don't know. Yes it would be nice to always have eyeliner on and be able to answer the door when everything else looks like crap. No if it means I can't have a day where I just want to look like crap. Decisions in life are tough, aren't they???

Laurie said...

Colleen as always another day brightener! It's funny though, I was plucking mine just before I turned on the computer and thinking the same thing. And the older I get, the harder it is to tame them!
Anyway, thanks for the great laugh, and LOVE your Mizz Scarlet closing line. I agree with Darla, your last name has to be Bombeck!!

Ming said...

Oh Colleen,
We are twins separated at birth (and perhaps a few years) but I have to pencil my eyebrows on EVERY DAY. Some days they are thin, some days thick, some days they are arched to per-fec-tion, others eh, not so good.
When it's sweltering out, everyone who knows me knows I call it a one, two or three eyebrow day depending upon how much I think I'll sweat and have to reapply! LOL
So happy I am not the only one who deals with this 'hidden'envy.
The other one I have is those with straight hair that doesn't frizz...but that's another post!
Thanks for letting me know I am not alone.

Sharon said...

OMG! I knew I could get a smile if I dropped by. You are the best medicine I could ask for. I laugh so hard my ribs hurt. Have a good one.

Jillian said...

HA! I wasn't there for the eyebrow conversation with the J.B. lady at the expo... but I would have laughed to have been there to see what really took place. LOVE IT!

Debby@Just Breathe said...

Great post with awesome photos. I use to dislike my t.h.i.n. lips but since I'm older now it's my eyebrows. Can't stand them, they are thin and ugly. The funny thing is that I never actually did anything with them until I was in my 40's. I never even plucked!! I have had them done twice and decided I didn't like that. Hairs grew where they never did before! They had always been pretty nice so why are they crap now! I feel your pain.

Dapoppins said...

haha, now I need to go back and look at your eyebrows, cause I never noticed until you said something!

Pearl said...

Oh great now I have something else to worry about! It never bothered me before? Cooolleeeeen!

Little Treasures said...

This is hilarious!
You've really made my day wit this post! Off to tackle mine!

JennyMay said...

HI Hon - This is an adorable Blog! You are now one of my Favorites!! I admit...my name is JennyMay and I too have Eye Brown envy...

Kisses,
JennyMay

Sue said...

Again, another post of yours that made me chuckle out loud. Thank you!

xxoo

Mary said...

.....I'm thinking of transplanting the dark ones now appearing on the upper lip to the brows.........whadayathink!!!!?????

Thanks for the laughs dear!

JennyMay said...

Hi Doll,

Just saw this and had to let you know about it!....http://www.facebook.com/home.php?ref=home#!/notes/beauty-is-a-thing-of-the-past/browmanship/161201927243542

I don't mean to cause you any suffering...just thought it might be a nice guide for you.

Beauty is a thing of the past...has lots of interesting facts and in on Facebook.

HEE,
JennyMay